Darkness Comes Before The Dawn

Darkness comes before the dawn? Tonight it is most certainly dark, but the dawn I'm looking forward to will most likely be darker. That's the trouble with tonight, I don't want to face tomorrow.

This is where the stress sets in. As is my custom I have left probably more work than I should have for the day of my project (Thursday). I tell myself in consolation as I rest my head upon my pillow, the night before said day, that I can get it all done and I will be ready in time for my project. And I'm usually almost right. I usually get almost all of it done, though the day is a mad roller coaster as I frantically scamper about, trying to get everything done and I get more and more stressed until the climax when everything comes together in the end.

So why all the stress? I suppose I'm just not looking forward to the journey. I know that I only have two days that I need to get through, and I know that next week is Thanks-giving, but boy oh boy do I wish Friday was today and I could just sit back smugly with the knowledge that I've gotten all of this work done. But that day will come, provided I don't die first, which is always a possibility, I mean, lets face it, people die pretty frequently. All it would take is an idiot on the road or a sudden spontaneous case of an unknown terminal illness.

But enough of these fantasies. Lets get back to reality, shall we? The reality is this: Thursday is day of death part 1. Friday is day of death part 2. Friday afternoon is happy days. Tonight is the day before hell starts. So you can understand the dilemma I'm in.

Once again, for a little dose of reality, none of this is really as bad as I'm making it out to be. Come to think of it, I'm really quite positive about it all, I simply find these emotions and this current tension in my life an awful thing to waste, I mean, look what I've written already? Ok, I understand that you think it's a bunch of insane ramblings of my diseased mind, but I don't really care what you think; I'm enjoying it, and that's all that matters.

More to the point this is very therapeutic, and where I was writhing in depressive bitterness earlier, I really have quite a positive outlook on these upcoming trials I will be facing. And it's all thanks to the awesome power of writing! All I had to do was break down how I was feeling, talk about how I've lived through it in the past, and bang! Everything is once again good in the world. I wonder if I could make that into a restorative three act structure...ehhh, but that's another story.

And I've lost your attention. I can't say I blame you, I mean this is really long and I'm saying basically nothing of importance. But again, I don't really care (wow, I really am a jerk to my non-existent potential readers, aren't I?). I'm doing this for me, and however selfish that may sound, it's a big deal in my life. I say that because up until this semester, even though I've tried my best to conceal it and make myself believe otherwise, I HAVE cared what other people think of me. But here I am on a new path in life (oh cliches, you haunt me!), a path that isn't looking for a companion (i.e. a girlfriend), and a path that says I'll do whatever I need to do for myself and my God. And gosh darn it, I'm going to make it to the end of this path.

I really have no idea where this entry is going anymore. Excuse me while I pause to read over what I've already written and reclaim my train of thought...

Well, re-reading everything didn't really help much, and it's getting late, which means it's time to turn in...to a monkey.
What I'm trying to say is...It's over. That's the end...you can go home now.

Ok I'm leaving.